Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Its been a while......

I haven't blogged in a long time. Not that I haven't wanted to, but the weirdness of the internet got to me, it made me feel suddenly vulnerable, and it made me feel uneasy, and uncertain. I started blogging to help sort through my struggles and help me express my experiences, to both help me make sense of my world, but to help others make sense of their own, if they could in some way take something from my posts and apply it to their own lives. I started blogging for myself, but I definitely wanted to reach people, I wanted to share something with people, whatever it is I brough to the proverbial table that day. What I failed to realize, is that not all people out there reading blogs are looking to learn from others experience, not everyone is genuinely interested in the personal lives of others, not everyone is good intentioned, and when I experiened one of those "other" people, I felt stung and I wasn't certain what to do next, so I did nothing.

I've been doing nothing for a while now, and it's no more comforting then writing my blog and putting myself out there. So I want to step back in and keep writing my journey here, for me, and for those who are interested. I hope that God will lead readers here, who can benefit from my words, or at the very least, who will be sensitive to them. I hope that God will lead away those who are just out to play the Devil's advocate and be needlessly contrary.

I started this blog as a testimony, that God had swept into my life when it was in ruins and held me up while brick by brick I rebuilt what with careless ignorance we spent years tearing down. I wanted to document how new life was breathed into my home and my heart and my marriage. I had a luke warm belief in God until I experienced loss and pain so great my heart and soul called out for sanctuary, without my minds consent, and God answered, and faith came in abundance.

It's been an uphill climb to piece life back together, to salvage trust and hope and love and to nurse them from wilting to thriving once more, it's never been easy but faith and hope and trust in God has made it possible, and has helped us find light in the darkest of moments.

It's an ongoing journey, and I know we'll never reach perfection, it's not possible for us here on earth, but each new day we uncover tenderness we thought was unretrievable. We rediscover a connection we thought was forever lost. We feel something we thought we'd never feel again, and we're reminded that God is ever at work in our lives.

This is what I humbly believe, and I want to share it with those who are intersted once more.