Thursday, November 17, 2011

Happy Birthday Babies!

Just four years ago today, at 5:33 and 5:40am, my life changed in the most unexpected and indescribable way.  I was expecting babies, I was expecting two beautiful, healthy and amazing babies, which I got, but what I wasn't expecting was the tornado of change and emotion that would blow through our lives following their births, that would change us in ways that we couldn't have ever imagined, not in our biggest dreams or worst nightmares.

Everett was born first, he was 5 pounds 4 ounces and he was pink and beautiful and instantly he was tattooed on my heart, he was breathtaking...

He was cleaned up and taken to be examined, he was new, he was premature, he was a twin, he was a boy, and he needed a little help in the breathing department, not entirely unexpected.

Next came Landon, he was 5 pounds 6 ounces, pink, hearty, fabulous and immediately so very very loved.  He was long awaited like his brother and he was instantly cherished...

I got to hold him a little before they took him away to work on, instant love, my heart was content, my cup runneth over!

Landon James

Everett Andrew

Both boys, warming up, Everett needing a little help breathing.



They were small, but they were beautiful and perfect and they were more then we could have ever asked for.  And on this day four years ago, life was perfect, we were perfectly happy and so filled with joy.  This was a very happy day.

We couldn't have ever imagined how fleeting that sense of perfection would be, or how quickly happiness can be shattered and replaced with grief and pain and loss.  Not in our most frightening dreams did we imagine that the birth of these beautiful twin boys would preceed the loss of one of them by just 20 short days.

But it did.  And today, while we're celebrating Everett and Landon's glorious and joy filled birth, we're celebrating it with Landon alone.  He's beautiful, he's funny, he's sensitive and loving and just absolute perfection.  He's a miracle, he's a joy and he's just incredibly enjoyed and loved, today and always.  And Everett remains adored, and loved, and missed, he's perfect and miraculous and a joy too, though Heaven holds him now, not us.

It's a bittersweet day today, and I hate that the happiness of their births is somewhat overshadowed by the sadness of Everett's death, his absense is felt every single day, but never with more intensity then on the day we remember his birth and the hope we were all filled with that day.

But in life you take the bitter with the sweet, sometimes there just isn't any seperating the two.  

So, happy birthday Landon James!

Thank you for continuing to bring us such joy and happiness! You're amazing and so very loved!

And happy birthday Everett Andrew!

You continue to bring us joy and we love  you so much, we miss you more then any words could tell, you're tattooed on my heart, and I think of you with every beat of it.

I'm unable to say what life would be like it both my babies were still here, but I'll always hold dear the short time I had with them both, blissfully unaware of how quickly life can change and how it felt to be caught up in that tornado that would totally rearrange our worlds.  I'm still grateful for the experience of delivering beautiful twin boys, and I'm forever changed by both of them.



TwoStepsForward said...

Hi, I randomly came across your blogs looking at pictures of flowers on google. I was wondering if I could get your e-mail address in order to send you a personal message. I am a young mother of an angel as well. Thanks!

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