Sunday, July 11, 2010


.....because I needed to.

Because it's therapeutic, and necessary some times.

Because my heart still hurts from old breaks.

Because scar tissue can hurt as badly as the original wound.

Because I'm human.

Because nothing can hurt more then these sadness's I'm carrying around, not even the headache I get from crying about them.

As I've said before, this blog is about rebuilding a better life on God's foundation, and that means examining all the cracks in the current foundation. I've got a ton of cracks, all kinds of weaknesses, all kinds of little places just waiting to cave in on me, if I'm not careful, if I'm not mindful and aware of all my damaged spots.

Better to be aware of them then to pretend they're not there.

So I'm crying over my healing but still aching broken heart. It's been broken so many times before, but through a real beating the past 2.5 years. It still hurts even though God has been patiently and delicately putting it back together, piece by piece. It's whole but it won't ever be the same. It won't ever work the same, or feel the same. It'll probably always ache.

But hopefully over time, the scars of insecurity, fear, shame, doubt, and grief will fade some, to a tolerable, livable degree.



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