Thursday, April 8, 2010

I've wandered off track....

I started off on one path, and some how over the course of this blog, I've wandered onto another path. Now, it's not a bad path, it's just not going where I wanted to go, so I'm jumping back onto that original path I was on, heading to a new me.

A happier me.

A healthier me.

A more joyful me.

A less stressed out me.

A me who worries less.

A better wife.

A better mother.

A better Christian.

More confidant.

More generous.

More hospitable.



Freed from all the things that weigh me down right now.

Of course, this blog is all about how I'm going to build this new life on God, His word, His love, His promises, and that's just what I plan to do! I am going to stop trying to micromanage my life, and stop trying to have my way, and give control over to Him, and let Him use me as He will, do do what He will, and I'm going to make every effort to be joyful about that!

I'm really loving this song by Hillsong United, our church has been singing it, and it revs me up, and sums up how God excites me and makes me eager to live my life for Him:

Freedom is Here
By Hillsong United

The future comes alive
You speak your word and i
I'm running into your hope
Because i've seen your light
You bring my world to life
I'm coming after you love

I'm not shaken
I'm not letting go

And everything comes alive
In my life as we lift you higher
Let your freedom arise
In our lives as we lift you up
Sing it out
Sing it out
Your freedom is here

So take the limits off
No matter what the cost
I'm running after your call
And i will run this race
See you face to face
So let your power overflow

I will not fear
I will not hide you love
You love
All of my life
I cannot deny your love
Your love

Check it out on YouTube! You'll like it!

To further my efforts to stay on focus and remember what this is all really about, I'm starting an accountability group with a nice small group of friends. We'll keep in touch with each other daily and talk about what scriptures we're reading, what we're praying about, what we're struggling with, and we'll keep each other accountable for our walk with Christ. I'm excited to hear what my friends are thinking and reading and learning, and eager to share with them too!

One of my biggest goals has been to take captive my self control, and finally defeat my personal demon, which is gluttony. I seriously misuse food. And honestly, I often use food where I should be using God. When I'm troubled, stressed, grieved, lonely, more often then not, I run to food, and that is a behavior that needs to be stopped. Now. I need to learn to trust in God, to trust he can handle my problems and meet my needs, and learn that food cannot solve my problems or make me feel more loved or less pained. I need to learn this, but it's hard. It's the stronghold Satan has on me (one of them that is). So I want to refocus on this issue, and strive to make a goal and reach it for this summer. Summer's a bittersweet time for me, I love it and hate it all at once. I never feel heavier, frumpier, uglier or sadder then I do on a beautiful summer day surrounded by my thin, healthy and shorts and tank clad family and friends. The shame and guilt is crippling. I want my skinny summer.

But that poses the question, what am I willing to do to get it?

Sadly, the answer is usually "not much".

How can this be different? I don't know. I'll pray on it, over and over if need be, and then I'll get back to you ;)

So, thank God for the clarity He gave me when He pointed out I was off track. I am grateful it was brought to my attention that I had taken back the reins and was trying to steer the course of my life, rather then let God drive. I've handed those back now, and am trusting in Him, and I can't wait to see what awaits me in my future!



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