Not feeling well.....

I've come down with something and I feel awful! And though I've got a ton of thoughts just bubbling over in my mind, I don't feel well enough to compose them and let them out. I could try, but they'd likely be muddled and disorganized and make no sense at all, so what would the point be?

But, I've come across some scripture today that applies to my life right now, and I thought the very least I could do here is share them and why I think they're relevant.

We've been having a hard time lately with Avery and listening. She's strong willed at the best of times, and compound that with her recent fearfulness, and we've got a girl who's determined to out will us. This makes us frustrated, and frustration leads to anger, and often we find ourselves not knowing what to do with Avery, and we're raising our voices and feeling badly for it later. She's basically undeterred by our raised voices, in fact she scolds us and tells us not to yell, some day's she'll tell us to apologize to her, but we don't get any further ahead with the problem, and we come away feeling upset with ourselves for not having control over our tempers, and disappointed with ourselves for not having better solutions for her behaviors. On a blog I've started following I found this piece of scripture:

Proverbs 15:1
1 A gentle response defuses anger,
but a sharp tongue kindles a temper-fire.

A gentle response diffuses anger, my response only makes it worse. Michelle Duggar apparently uses this piece of scripture to help her remain composed when her brood run amuck! I need to try this, I need to keep calm and composed when my anger is getting the better of me, so I can think clearly and act smartly, and hopefully start making progress with our spirited little sweetie!

In counseling today our lovely counselor read us this little gem. She drew our attention to how difficult this snippet of scripture can be to follow for both men and women.

Ephesians 5:33
33 So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

Men, as she pointed out, are not necessarily tender and gentle and doting like women often wish they were, the loving gestures we often want our men to display are the very gestures we as women are so good at demonstrating ourselves. Showing love is OUR strength, not theirs. So when God commands man to love his wife, it's no small task he's asking, its a big deal, and its no small undertaking to a husband to accept. That's why its so significant. And women are to respect their husbands, again, no small undertaking, since our counselor explained that since the original sin in the Garden of Eden, our curse has been that we want to rule over our men, we want to change them, sculpt them and make them into something more appealing to us. Too often we're quick to point our their flaws and try to bend them and make them conform to our way of doing things, so submitting to them, and respecting them, that's a big deal. No small feat indeed.

But God calls us to do what's difficult, and not our nature, out of obedience to Him.

Lastly, another piece of scripture from a blog I follow:

Proverbs 14:1
1 A wise woman builds her home,
but a foolish woman tears it down with her own hands.

I think I find these words poignant, because I feel that I nearly tore down my own house with my foolishness. In reflecting back on old behavior patterns in my marriage, and in reflecting on our separation this past summer and our reconciliation, I can see clearer now, and I can see what my flawed beliefs led me to. Misguided beliefs, and good intentions, and my flawed understanding of my role in this family led me to behave in ways that damaged my marriage. Foolishly I tried to change my husband's behaviors without ever being aware of my own. He acknowledges his own contributions to our near downfall, but I have to take responsibility for my own. We never understood that God had designated roles in marriage to help it run smoothly and as he planned, and we tried to do things our way, and it took us to the the brink of divorce, our relationship nearly crumbled. Thank God for his intervention. Thank God for the people he placed in our lives that brought to light His will for marriage and His desires for us. Thank God for His word and for what we have been learning in counseling, and thank Him for the rebuilding that His word and His love has made possible.

If I wasn't feeling so sick I'd delve into the topic of forgiveness, which is our next assignment in our counseling, but I feel awful! So, next time!

Katie