Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Me: The Mother

I can tell you the very instant I became a mother.

I know the date it happened. The date that I knew I had changed from me, the college student and newly wed, to me, the mother.

Because I knew I wanted to be a mother, I was trying to conceive and implemented a few techniques to help me track my success or failure in the matter. Because of that tracking, I know with a fair amount of certainty, that Avery took up residence in me, on February 23rd 2005, and changed my life forever.

I can remember the morning I tested, and knew with certainty that she was on her way. It was March 6th, Elvis was working nights, and I laid awake at 4am wondering if we had been successful that month. And I couldn't wait and further and got up right then and tested, and got my positive result, and laid in bed for three hours waiting for Elvis to come home so I could tell him what we did. We had taken the biggest leap of faith and changed our lives immensely.

And its been a continuous and amazing transformation.

Motherhood is often touted as the hardest and most rewarding job you'll ever have, and I can't argue that one bit. Its full of challenges and struggles, but also of incredible joy and love. The rewards of having children saturate every moment of every day. Sometimes we take them for granted, or over look them, but my house is filled with the benefits of having children.

Our house is a home. It's lived it. Its full of fun and energy. It is after all, full of children.

Pieces of their youth and their personalities are strewn about everywhere. Clutter to some, but reminders to me of the blessings that God has placed into my world.

Crayons in a cup on the corner of my desk.

An upside down tractor ride on toy in front of my china cabinet.

Multiple brightly colored scribbled drawings on my fridge, which has more magnets on it then any other fridge I've seen.

Small boots lined up beside big boots in our closet.

The kids and their things have permeated every part of our lives.

And I love it.

Psalm 127:3-5 says:

Don’t you see that children are God’s best gift?
The fruit of the womb his generous legacy?

4 Like a warrior’s fistful of arrows
are the children of a vigorous youth.

5 Oh, how blessed are you parents,
with your quivers full of children!

How true it is! They're gifts. Sometimes its easy to lose sight of how precious they are. The day to day grind can get the better of us, we get tired, run down, over worked, pulled in too many directions or get too many balls in the air, and we lose sight of this truth. We get sharp tongued, and impatient and we lose the ability to truly enjoy our kids. I've been struggling with this lately. Combine too many balls in the air with a son and a daughter with very strong personalities, and you've got me, a frazzled mama who doesn't have all of the answers and sometimes melts down before I can stop and recollect myself. Thank God that he created children to be so forgiving and loving!

So today I wanted to think about the blessings of motherhood and the miracles of my children.

I wanted to pray on ways to love them better and deeper, and on ways to raise them well and set them up properly for their lives beyond our house.

Because Proverbs 22:6 says:
6 Point your kids in the right direction—
when they’re old they won’t be lost.

Its a big job! Motherhood (and fatherhood) is a big, serious and never ending job. But it has such amazing perks.

Like this:

And this:

And moments like these, absolute and unedited bliss:

And celebrations like this, thanking God for your children and promising in front of him to raise them right and love them hard:

And then we have the flip side of the coin. The sadness that sometimes accompanies the joy. The hardest lesson I ever had to learn about motherhood. Sometimes our babies are only ours for the shortest amount of time. Sometimes we don't get a life time to raise them and teach them. Sometimes God brings us a baby for the express purpose of teaching us. Sometimes the Lord gives and almost simultaneously takes away. Sometimes our children break our hearts. But in instances like ours, God broke our hearts to save our souls, and he had such a beautiful and amazing purpose for our son Everett. Some days its still too much for me to understand, but most days I'm capable of trusting that I'll understand some day.

Me, the mother, still wants to be raising all three of my babies, but does the very best I can for the two that God has entrusted me with. I entrust God with the other. I miss Everett every second of every day. But he helped me become the mother I am. Because of this boy.....

I cherish life more.

I value time with my kids and family more.

I'm more empathetic.

I'm kinder.

I'm more soft spoken.

I'm more aware.

I'm gentler.

I'm more tender.

And I came to believe in God, and accepted that I needed Jesus.

We came to faith through the loss of our son. We were crippled by the pain of his death and found courage in Christ to carry on.

All of my children have shaped me and changed me and have helped me become the mother I am today. And they've given me the desire to be a better one tomorrow.

And me, the mother, I am grateful.

My cup runneth over.



Joy said...

Just wanted to let you know I am out here reading and I truly enjoy your blog. TY

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