Something interesting....

When Elvis and I started to see a Christian counselor upon our mending of fences, she gave us an Andy Stanley DVD series to watch before our sessions, which discussed marriage and how to have a less frustrating and more fulfilling marriage. It talked about how most marriages begin, with dreams and hopes for the couples future life together. He has his dreams, she has hers, but after the "I do's" are said, those dreams and desires transform into something new all together. They become expectations. Expectations lead us down a road of demands and disappointments, setting standards for the other that often times are never, or can never realistically be met. He talked about how detrimental it is for a marriage when our dynamics change to a "debt" and "debtor" relationship, where we feel like our spouse owes us something and we want out if we can't have it. He called this the "I" marriage, emphasis on the capital I. Its all about ME. My wants, my needs, my desires and my disappointments, and he warns that no one really wins this way.

Of course the series is much more involved then what I can detail here, but it goes on to discuss the importance of getting out the "I" mentality and taking on a "i", and placing your spouses interests and needs before your own. And we scratch our heads and wonder, just like Andy said we would, well then what about MY needs? If I do what he says, which is to take my box of expectations and dump them back into the desires box, and if I admit that my spouse owes me absolutely nothing, then what on earth am I to do with my desires then? Should I drop them all together, give up my wants and dreams and cater to the desires of my spouse without ever so much as mentioning my own again? Thank goodness the DVD is quite thorough and answers to these questions were provided. He shared with us 1 Peter 5:7, and it was quite interesting, so of course, I will share it here :)

1 Peter 5:7

5 In the same way, you younger men must accept the authority of the elders. And all of you, serve each other in humility, for "God opposes the proud but favors the humble."

6 So humble yourselves under the mighty power of God, and at the right time he will lift you up in honor.

7 Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.

Andy explains that our desires and needs are important to God because they're important to us, and that he wants to hear them. Essentially he said we could bring our dreams and our desires, and our anxieties and concerns to him, and whine about how we're afraid we'll never get them! No judgment. He just cares. He cares because we're His, and He loves us, and what concerns us concerns him and you can unload on him anytime. He went on to say that over time, after getting in the habit of unloading these concerns and wants on God, rather then on your spouse, who will only end up feeling anxious and burdened by the pressure to meet your expectations, that a change in the marriage will be noted, the dynamics will shift once more.

Very interesting! Most certainly worthy of trying out. Rather then dump your desires and wishes not yet come true onto your spouse, to guilt or shame or to play a power trip out, give them over to God, and let him know what you want, with humility and with honesty, and he'll understand. It doesn't mean he'll grant you any wishes or miracles, but he might change your heart, and he might just get in there and change your marriage. That little piece of scripture was clear to point out that God doesn't work with the proud, but jumps in to aid the humble, so humble yourself and serve and love your spouse as God would have you do, and in time, in His time, he will give you the Grace you need to do what you need to do to have a better marriage.

Interesting stuff this marriage counseling.

On a related note, we go back to counseling tomorrow after a holiday hiatus, and I am excited for it. I think because we got such a fantastic Christian counselor, that I really look forward to speaking to her and learning from her, and seeing what sense we can make of this mess we like to call "our life." Walking out of her home sort of feels like walking out of church. I feel enlightened, renewed, uplifted and full of hope for the future. Its a pretty amazing thing, that something so broken and damaged can be so remedied and repaired from just talking about God and his will and his love. Pretty amazing stuff. I highly suggest it to anyone in need of some problem solving, or mediating, or guidance, in any area of life.

Anyway, its late and my baby girl is back to school tomorrow. Christmas holiday's are officially over with and time to get back to the regular grind. The sweet and beautiful regular grind, I could not ask for more!

Katie