Redefining friendship....

I can't seem to say what I want to say these past few days. I get an idea, it bubbles up in my head and when I sit down to write, I get flustered and "tongue" tied and overwhelmed, and then I give up and walk away.

I suppose its not a bad thing to lose my "voice" for a day or so while my thoughts compose themselves, better to say nothing at all then to say something incoherent, or worse yet, something said from frustration that doesn't reflect my true feelings, or doesn't represent me well.

I'm thinking about friendships lately though. I'm thinking about the friendships I have, and the qualities I'd like to add to my friendships (old and new) for the new year. I'm thinking "friendship" has been a pretty casual term in my vocabulary, and a pretty casual role in my life, and in the new year I'd like to see it take on a more weighty definition and a bigger role in my life. I'd like to see the role of "friend" come with greater commitment and responsibility, and I'd like the word "friend" to pack more punch. I'd like "friend" to be nearly synonymous with "family." I'd like to see my friends more regularly and I'd like to contents of our friendship to delve below the superficial into some real substance.

I'm thinking I really need to redefine what friendship means to me, and re-evaluate the friendships I have. I need to decide how I can improve them and build on them and enhance them, so that they're mutually satisfying and real and special and cherished. I'm tired of superficial pleasantries and five minute conversations in passing, I want to build real, significant and substantial relationships into my new life.

After all, no man is an island right? We need people. We need to share our lives and experiences. We need to have people to turn to and we need to be there should anyone need to turn to us. I want to open my home to friends and family alike, and I want them to come and fill it. I want invitations to be accepted, and extended. I want community. I want potluck dinners at my house and game nights and play dates and BBQ's. I want community!

I want to take the kind of community I've experienced in my group of online friends and I want to bring it into my every day life with the people in my little world. I want to break up little cliques of people, three or four clinging to each other, and create a large and loving group of people who are really there for each other and demonstrate friendship and love and concern always.

That's what I want.

I'm tired of superficial friendships.

I'm tired of part time friendships.

I'm tired of one way friendships.

I'm tired of fair weather friendships.

This is the year of getting real and getting honest, friendships included. This year I'm looking for deep, meaningful, full time, reciprocal, dependable friendships. I'm looking for community. I'm looking to not feel like an island anymore.

Anyway, I'm not certain I actually got my thoughts across just right yet, but that's the gist of it. I'm smart enough to know that friendship is so important, and I'd like to see it take a bigger role in my life in this new start in this new year!

Katie