Saturday, January 9, 2010

Redefining self....

Who are you? Do you know the answer to that question? What makes you who you are and do you feel like the person you are on the inside really shines through to the rest of the world? Is the "you" that you see when you look in the mirror the "you" that you want to see? Or, is the "you" that you see accurate? Do you really see "you."

Who were are isn't static, its fluid, it changes with every experience, good and bad, we're continuously building on to ourselves, we continually evolve. That's good news I think, because you then know, that should you one day look into a mirror and no recognize yourself, you can change. You can renovate yourself, you can start from the ground up and become someone else, if one day you don't like who you see in the mirror.

So, who are you? Think on it. What makes you up? What experiences, good or bad, sculpted you into the person you are today? What do you like about you? What needs to change?

When I started this blog, which is all about change, I knew that personal change would be a big part of his life renovation. Its the biggest part. Thankfully I enjoy getting all introspective and digging deep into the core of me, and I'm not daunted by getting real with myself. I'm fantastic at recognizing a need for change, I can make an impressive plan to do it, but then I fall short on the next step, the follow through.

So, who am I? That's a big question, and it's hard to answer.

I am of course, a woman, a daughter, a sister, a wife, a mother, a nurse, these are the things all people can see at a glance.

Just beneath that first outwardly visible layer, I'm an artist, a writer, a photographer, these are some things that not everyone sees.

I'm smart but insecure.

I'm sensitive but have a hard shell around me.

I'm blessed but I'm wounded.

I'm hopeful but I'm apprehensive.

I'm generous but I'm guarded.

I'm laid back but easily riled up.

I'm defensive.

I'm protective.

That's me on the inside.

But who do I want to be? Who would I like to be, if I could be anyone, anything? What traits to I want to have?

I want to be confidant.

I want to be secure.

I want to be light hearted.

I want to be joyful.

I want to be spirited and energetic.

I want to be comfortable in my own skin.

I want to be easy to be around.

I want to put others at ease.

I want to be healthy.

I want to be buoyant.

I want to be capable.

I want to be a fun, warm, loving mom.

I want to be a loving, warm, passionate and dependable wife.

I want to be a trustworthy and reliable friend.

I want to be a grateful and loving daughter and sister.

I want to be a skilled, compassionate nurse.

I want to be a dependable co-worker.

I want to be a talented photographer.

I want to a fashionista.

I want to be eye catching no matter where I am or what I am doing.

I want to stand out.

I want to feel young, like, my age ;)

I want to feel multi-faceted, I want there to be many sides of me and I want to live them all, I don't want life to be a one dimensional and monotonous, "oatmeal" experience.

I want to be a better Christian, I want to learn more and love more and be more Christ like in the future.

I want to be vibrant, I wand to radiate life.

I want to shake of the dust that's settled on me over the past few years and start really and truly living this life again. With children and husband and family in tow, I want to start living a more vibrant and fun and energetic life!

Who's with me? Can you rhyme off who you are now, the good and the bad? Its hard to be that honest sometimes, because who wants to admit that they're tired, uninspired, lonely, guarded, bitter, or judgmental? Its not easy to be honest about who you've become. But next, make a list of who you want to be, and what you want life to look at, its the only way to know what you need to do to get there!

My first step in becoming who I really want to be is accountability. I hope that this blog will help me keep it real, and keep me on track, because I'm going to be updating you all along the way. I want to lose weight, and that's my biggest personal struggle, its hard to get started, and it seems that its even harder to stay focused long enough to get results. I get disappointed, I get down on myself, I make really high expectations for myself and I usually end up feeling like a failure when I don't meet them. Its a cycle I really need to break.

So, step one, get a weight loss plan and stick with it! Sounds easy peasy right? NOT! But, we shall see, I've got lots of tools available to me. I've got a treadmill, an exercise bike, weights, a Wii fit, and lots of friends to cheer me on! I can do this. I think I can do this. I hope I can do this. I HAVE to do this.

I will be so great to finally unburden myself and become a happier person.

If anyone wants to do this along with me, please leave a comment, we can support each other!



mommie43 said...

Katie l REAlly need to lose weight too. l can't do it on my own. l try but fall down over and over. l feel Katie we have so much in common. That's why l can come to you as a sister in law and a friend. l am glad to have you here for me and for you to do this blog. Thank you very much Katie for this blog. Love you Katie.

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